Stuck on Repeat

Do you ever get the feeling that your life is simply stuck on repeat? 

You know, that unpleasant realisation that you have been here and done this all before?

I have felt like that over the last few weeks when it comes to life. I look at the events of the recent months and wonder how many times I will have to repeat the same life stories before things start to change.

Not sure what I mean? Let me give you a few scenarios...

1. Jobless....again...

Due to extenuating circumstances outside of my control, I am once again without a job. In the last four years this has happened so many times that it is no longer funny. Contracts have ended (twice), we had to move city (once), I had to leave because of illness (once). That is roughly a change in job once a year. I am now in my 30's and still without a permanent job and this is simply starting to piss me off. I am qualified up the wazoo but partly due to where I live (a small town), and life circumstances, I haven't got the break that I really need. So this year I am working on building up my own company (again). I started this a year ago but due to my husband going back to study I needed a more consistent income and went to another job. This time I am going to stick it out. It will be rough for a few months but I really think it will make it if I work hard at it. And if I work for myself it should be guaranteed job security....right?

2. Studying....again...

I have also decided to return to study this year. Instead of doing the postgraduate thing which I had planned on in the future, I am developing my skills at undergraduate levels in ways that will help me develop and grow my business and the charity that hubby and I have started (check out lightswitchfoundation.com for more info). I love to study. In fact, if I won millions of dollars I would quite happily study for the rest of my life. The focus of this study however is to skill develop in order to make sure that number 1 on this list won't happen again.

3. Sick....again...

My last post on this blog was all about the migraines I have been experiencing. Well lucky ole' me is still having them and is still waiting for a neurologist appointment to get them sorted. They are not so bad that I can't do work or study from home, but finding a job in another work place with rigid hours may be a little more difficult until this is all sorted (another reason I am working on building my business). I have had such a run of ill health over the last few years that I am well and truly due for a full body transplant. Frustrating though this is, I have been learning a lot about slowing down, taking care of myself, and listening to my body, which are all good things (though surely not worth the pain the cause).

4. Family members sick....again...

I have talked about my mother in law and her cancer before. She has recently been rediagnosed and it isn't looking good. So the lot of us are once again facing this awful disease and all the unknowns that come along with it. She is perhaps one of the strongest, most amazing women I have met and I hate that she is going through this. She does it with such grace and love (and occassional breakdowns) that I am honoured to share this journey with her. Still sucks really bad.....

Those are some of the repeats that are happening at the moment that feel like I have been sucked into a time vortex and am simply reliving past years. I also have my husband studying (again) and me working on my novel (still) and it begins to feel like this year is going to be much of a muchness with years gone by. 

Though if the past is anything to go by, I should survive the year.....again.......