I Am Become Pain

I have pain in my brain today
It settles over me like storm clouds
Thick with electricity and ominous rumblings.
Creating thick fog in my head that my thoughts fight through,
Each one alight with throbbing agony,
As they wing their way across my synapses,
Screaming the alarm of the incoming destruction.

I try to sleep through it,
Hoping that there will be relief for me soon,
But the pain is now an ocean of churning waves,
And I am but a boat being swallowed by the tempest.
All I can do is hold on and hope for the violence to end,
Knowing there will be no rest for me today.

I pop pills, realising as I do so that I am considered a statistic of an epidemic,
But accepting that I would rather be an addict,
Than live in the grip of this monster.
Even though the pills only take the edge off,
Enough for my body to rest, for my mind to shut down.

The pills don’t work because the glory of my grey matter is that,
In making my body function on good days,
On days like today it takes my pain and transports through my nerves,
To every part of my system.
My muscles weaken, my joints groan, my organs scream with my pain.
My very body rebels against me.

My doctors tell me I am too young to be living like this.
They say I shouldn’t need so many pills.
I have now know more than my specialist about my condition
Because, as much as they may know from text books,
And all the articles that, I too, have devoured and digested,
They will never know what it is to live in the reality of my body.

I am become pain.
My eyes are pulsating in my skull.
My very teeth hurt.
There is nothing left but to accept defeat for today,
And wait for this storm to subside.