It is hard being fat.
It is hard having people look at you with 'that' look when you know they think you are lazy.
It is hard going to restaurants and asking for something like ice cream and getting 'that' look from the waitress.
It is hard exercising when you are carrying twice the amount of body weight you should be.
It is hard feeling the pain in your joints after walking.
It is hard knowing that you are going end up sick or in a wheelchair if you don't do something about it but doing something about it is also damn hard.
But what is perhaps the hardest thing at this point in my life is finding clothes!!
I know this seems really silly and shallow but seriously, have you ever seen what they expect fat people to wear??!! It is either a sack with some arm holes cut out of it, or something that is actually made for a small person but just more fabric added. All the curves are wrong, all the material is wrong. It is just all wrong!!
But apart from that, trying to find exercise clothes, you know so I can get HEALTHY, is next to IMPOSSIBLE!!!
Try and find an exercise bra in 22E for me! One that has good stability and support and isn't going to end in either black eyes or ripped boobs!
Or running/biking pants. I mean come on! Surely those with the bigger thighs need less chaffing than a stick figure with thigh gap! WHY is there NOTHING out there that will fit me, won't chaf, won't get holes in the inseam after two hours in them, and is made of material that keeps everything wobbling?
It's like there is this mass campaign in the fashion industry to make fat people feel terrible in the clothes they wear but then refuse to give them clothes they need to actually change the situation.
I bought togs this year, a really flattering pair, but I still have to wear another bra underneath because togs designers do not seem to grasp the concept that if the boobs are bigger then the support needs to be stronger! It is simple people, I mean really!
So me and my mother-in-law (MIL) have been on a hunt to find nice, casual clothes for my size while I try and get into the stuff that is smaller. She has been shocked by what I have known for a long time - you have to go overseas through online shops to get anything even remotely flattering. And then you have to guess the size and hope for the best. Once you have found your shop you never, ever, ever deviate from it and buy exclusively from there for the rest of your life. They will charge you ten times more for clothes that may have twice the amount of fabric, but by the time you find a store that works for you, you are happy to pay whatever they ask just to look good.
I have been a big woman who didn't care about how I look, and I refuse to be that again. I take pride in my appearance and try and look pretty in everything I wear (except the stay at home and play games clothes...no one looks good in those). I wish that there were people out there who understood this drama and wanted to provide pretty, long lasting, affordable clothing as well as SPORTS clothing for big women.
To those of you out there who are feeling me right now, I recommend two options.
My fav shop is City Chic (Australian site, not American). They deliver to NZ and you can make an account in NZ dollars. I have to admit I never buy full price items there, I simply cannot afford it, so I always head to their sale section. You can get amazing deals on out wear, dresses, and underwear (their bras are the best I have found anywhere). They are great and their dresses last a really long time (I have had some for three years and they are still going strong). My experience with their pants has not been so great (they tend to be quite thin and wear away quickly) but if you get them on sale who cares! They also have started doing sports bras (yay!!!) so I am hoping for more in a sports line.
The other one is a place MIL came across recently. Another Australian shop called Curvaceous. They don't have such a wide range but are much better priced for everyday casual items. I am definately going to go back here for my singlets, tank tops, and t-shirts whereas I think I will stick to CC for the prettier stuff.
Being fat is hard, and getting healthy is hard, so it is up to us to pick which we will live with. I have decided that being sick and fat is harder to face than the exercise so I am pushing myself to aim toward the Ironman 2020 in Taupo. I am swimming, I am cross-training, and I have joined weight watchers to help me with my food.
Now I just need some clothes....
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